The Lion, The Witch, The Kevin & The Wardrobe.

Well, it would appear Kevin has quite an aggressive attitude towards finding his old items of clothing and other such apparel - when looking through his wardrobe. I don't even know where to begin narrating this nugget of vintage Kevin comedy, but here goes...

In my opinion, the human cerebrum has to be the most fascinating organ in existence. However, there exists one that outshines all others. This human being eclipses all others and his intelligence/reasoning is off the chart. Forget Professor Brian Cox; forget Professor Stephen Hawking; and forget Professor Green. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you... The brain of Kevin Seaman!

Date: [18/08/2011 Anno Domini, ≈14.30PM]: -

A spontaneous cluster of neurological chemical reactions occurred within Kevin's thalamus. These stimulated his pituitary gland; a feeling of thirst ensued; and he purchased a pint of Boondoggle. After several repetitions of this process, Kevin was basically shit-faced.

At this point, Kevin's cerebellum had been rendered useless. However, the sound waves produced by the ongoing conversation were being processed and interpreted by Kevin's temporal lobes at a rapid rate. This resulted in his frontal lobe throwing an absolute fucking tantrum and it manifesting the following quote: -

"When you look through your wardrobe and you find an old t-shirt, do you ever think to yourself "I wonder if this still facking fits?"? Then when you try it on it facking doesn't. Facking pisses me off!"

He said this with a nonchalant expression on his face.

The rest of us were debating whether or not to go to another pub when he said this...

The Tide Is High!

I was out on Saturday night with a few of the lads, when I decided to check my Facebook notifications (as you do when you're out getting absolutely smashed...). To my complete and utter joy, I read the following wall post from Kevin's girlfriend, Laura: -

All the thought (or rather lack of), that went into this idea, completely fucked with my head. After about an hour of constant laughing (resulting in severe stomach cramps) and sharing Kevin's theory with my peers, I pondered said theory and came to the conclusion that it does sort of make sense. I flirted with the thought of a crab walking sideways on a beach; with a determined look on It's face - staring out at the tide; and thinking to itself "Right come on, I can fucking do this!".

I shortly came to my senses and dismissed Kevin's theory with a phrase that he often uses: "A complete crock of shit.". How ironic is that?

Kevin Seaman, one of the greatest thinkers and visionaries of our time... :D

Kevin's Outtake On Religious Text.

So, myself and Kevin were discussing the recent riot/looting activity in London when he came to the conclusion that it was the fault of people misinterpreting religious text... When quizzed on his opinion of the Qur'an, Kevin conjured this majestic quote: -

"It's a bad book that Qur'an - I don't know why they read it, they should stick a Swastika on it. It's a dirty book - they don't need it."

At this point, I could not breathe for laughing - haha, cheers for the stomach cramps Kevin. =]

Meet Kevin Seaman.

I've always wanted to start a blog of some sort but could never think of a good reason to do so, until now... The guy pictured above is the one and only Kevin Seaman, a person of whom you will become all too familiar with over the duration of this blog. My friends and I have decided that Kevin is our gift to the world and we hope you enjoy him as much as we do.